Old Age

You know you’re getting older when…

1. You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out, but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you’re on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest that it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names starting with “Dr.”.
17. You sit is a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt – doesn’t work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the hole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care any more.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.
29. When you look for a replacement lid for your everyday Corningware baking dishes and the only replacements are available from the Corningware collectable sites.